c h e l l e

Seeing their photos, I also feel like getting married too!

Their wedding

I saw this from Leanne’s post.. It’s super touching. I cried.

It’s damn retarded but I’m using on-screen keyboard to type this shite now :/
I’m coughing like nobody’s business.
My stomach’s growling cos I haven’t eaten anything the whole day.
More things to add to my misery :(((((((
SUPER SAD!

This week is probably one of the worse I ever had.

 
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I’m taking this opportunity to thank mainly a couple of people - Jeremy and Weijie. Yes, thank you both of you for being there for me, literally. Being the type of person I am who don’t usually open up to just about anyone, I thank you both for listening/reading my senseless utterances I make on msn. I know it’s quite annoying cos I only tell you stuff selectively and not everything, so I bet you can’t make out the full story most of the time. I would as well if I was you :X

My bad. But I have my reasons.. so I just want to keep things on a superficial level. Thanks for listening to me whine. Damn irritating, I know. Jeremy, thanks for making an effort though I don’t really know you but you’re a really nice person and I want to know you better in future, if I could. HAHAHA… then we can laugh at the shorty ANG J** L***** :X

Talk about the wonders of FACEBOOK.

Weijie, you’re the best lah! When you know I haven’t been eating for the last few days, you came all the way to my hall, cabbed over and you brought me so much food, enough to feed an elephant! I really did try to eat but I’m sorry I wasted all the food cos I had no appetite then. I didn’t make your effort go to waste, at least I ate something! (: Thank you for coming over to accompany me (though you were busy with your work, I just rant on and on to bother you while you’re working. teehee). And how can I forget the medicine (:

Instant temporal remedy. At least I don’t feel so “ill” after that. I was just trying hard to fight the feeling of being depressed. You won’t know how I feel cos you’re not me.. Sorry, I can’t tell you everything but I know you got the gist of what I was trying to tell you.

I appreciate your concern. Thank you Jeremy and Weijie. Jeremy, you die already. Next time I might keep bugging you if I need to trash things out! I pity you… cos you might be my very next victim. LOL.

Okay Shawn, so here’s my answer to why you need to fast! Though it may not be very complete but I hope this will answer most of your question (:

DEFINITION OF FASTING

Biblical fasting is a form of self-denial for the sake of Jesus and His kingdom. It is a deliberate abstinence from some or all food for a spiritual purpose. It demands a deep level of commitment and sacrifice. Fasting in the biblical sense is choosing not to partake of food because your spiritual hunger is so deep, your determination in intercession so intense, or your spiritual warfare so demanding that you have temporarily set aside even fleshly needs to give yourself to prayer and meditation. (In a nutshell, spiritual hunger, burden, or concern drives us to fast.)

FIVE WAYS ON HOW TO FAST UNTO THE LORD

1. Fast to please the Lord. Fast because you want to draw nearer to Him. Fast because He is so precious to you that you want to give Him a costly gift.
2. Fast in response to God’s call. In both the Old and New Testament, fasting was also an act of worship.
3. Fast to humble yourself before God. In the Bible, fasting is often associated with repentance. But there is more to fasting than its use in the initial stage of repentance; you will need to humble yourself before the Lord again and again as David did.
4. Fast to seek God’s face more fully. Fasting is a sacred way to seek God with all your heart. Fasting, too, indicates an intense desire to seek God.
5. Fasting as a holy discipline of your soul. A disciple of Jesus is a disciplined follower. Regular habits of prayer and fasting are a natural part of the spiritual life of those who follow Him. They provide a regular method of drawing near to God, examining yourself before God, and entering more fully into the life of intercession.

3 PRACTICAL “HOW-TO’S” OF FASTING

First of all, fasting is abstaining from food. The time we normally would spend preparing and enjoying the meal is spent with the Lord. Second, giving up sleep for prayer is possible. Considering our Lord did this quite a few nights should be inspirational enough for us. Third, “withdrawal from fellowship of friends and family” for a time in order to devote yourself more fully and exclusively to fellowship with God and intercession is through fasting.

We can also fast by giving up something we like to do. For instance, we can give up watching our favourite TV program and spend that time praying. The same thing can be said of our leisure reading or what we do for recreation. The time spent doing there things can be spent in concentrated prayer. And in today’s context, giving up time spent on surfing the internet would be a “sacrifice” for most of us. In doing any of these things for the Lord, I believe that when we give up our time for Him, He will multiply both our strength and time for other things we need to do.

Some scriptural references of people fasting when they are:
Under judgement of God (1 Kings 21:27),
receiving correction from God (2 Samuel 12:16-23),
in danger (Esther 4:16);
and in need (Ezra 8:21).

Other scriptual references:
Psalm 35:13, Psalm 69:10, Matthew 4:1-11 and Isaiah 58.

So yesterday I was the jerk. And today I relented after feeling really empty for a day. I know I can’t do without him, just like how he can’t get used to me ignoring him. I finally gave in… cos I knew I can’t take it anymore. This whole episode clearly shows how important he is to me as a friend (afterall, I never really had a friend who is as close to me now). And clearly, it shows how retarded I can be (sometimes).

Problems resolved, everything was back to normal once again. At that point of time, it didn’t occur to me that I was being the cruel one… I treated him so coldly; totally ignored him and I guess it gets to him harder, having to lose a friend after losing his loved one through a failed relationship. I didn’t think my actions would have affected him in any way.

Tonight, I just had this strong urge to jump down from my kitchen window. Most of my friends who knew me would know that I’m super “humji” and I have a phobia of heights. Not to mention, I’m staying on the tenth floor. Jumping down means you’ll definitely be seeing my face on the obituary. I know I wouldn’t do anything stupid to myself. The most I did was to cut my wrist, swallow down a shitload of paracetamol or just threaten to kill myself. I did all that but I never had the balls to commit suicide or to kill myself “accidentally”. HAHA.

Thinking about it, I was really stupid like how I took so many panadol pills at one shot and I started puking like nobody’s business and no one knew (not even my family members, my best friends or Sebastian, my boyfriend then). I even took flu medication with alcohol to “induce” sleeping cos I don’t want to wake up to see another day in this ugly world. I cut my wrist because someone whom I thought was a friend would actually accuse me of stealing her boyfriend and rumours were spreading like wildfire, even my ex-boyfriend knew about this incident and even blogged about how much I was a slut and how he thinks I am such a despo and stuff. I didn’t have to hear it from his own mouth, but by reading it, it was bad enough to trigger all my emotions and I just sliced my wrist in front of my parents. I called Calvin, my best friend, but there was nothing he could do but to console me and to pacify me.

I really can’t take anymore of this ugly world ):

Last night while I was talking to him over the phone, I thought maybe my life isn’t as bad as his. Just when I thought I was full of hatred and bitter towards everything that didn’t go my way and I was living in a life full of misery, worse than any friends that I have come across, I was wrong. Talking to him makes me feel how much blessed I really am and that I should thank God and start counting every single blessings I have received from God, in one way or another.

I just watched the world went by beneath my feet as my legs dangled out of my kitchen window. It was one of those “I-feel-suicidal” kind of thing. As I cried, I prayed. I prayed for a better tomorrow. I prayed for my parents, my family, my friends, and everyone that I cared for. I grab a can of beer, drank it and started wallowing in self-pity once again. It’s a childish thing to do… but I had to.
I went back to sit on the window ledge once again. After drinking my fifth gulp, I left my three-quarter finished can on the ledge beside me. Somehow, I misplaced it and it just went flying down the window from where I was seated. That was my very last can of beer left at home. I knew I had to save the last bit of it. Yes, I was being stupid again! And in my attempt to try to reach for it, I almost slipped. That really scared the hell out of me and HEAVEN is filling up my head. I knew at that split second, I could have gotten myself killed if I slipped any further. I don’t want to die in such a horrible manner (with brains splattering, bones disjointed at awkward positions, a flattened nose, two loose front teeth, LOL and a really bloody scene) SUPER UNGLAM. Not only that, but I remembered something like people who commit suicide would never go to heaven…

So yes, I had to stop being naïve and having suicidal thoughts all the time. Instead, I should invest my time on doing something which is more meaningful. And at this stage, it doesn’t matter how many friends I have… but I’ll just wonder how many will be attending my funeral in future.

With that, I said goodbye to my can of beer and goodbye devil, you have no foothold over me. I swear I would live on to a more beautiful tomorrow and I will never die from premature death or fall for your devious plans to kill myself. You are nothing, nothing. I am the daughter of the Living One. Goodbye devil, out of my life you go!

Exams are officially over for me (except that I skipped my last paper).

And so we had the bestest party ever, TELETUBBIES PARTY at NTU’s Lala land!

We had great company, drinks, food and SUSAN as well.

It was like an almost complete party without the toilets.

So yeah, we “marked our territories” on various areas of the buildings - peeing under the stars :D

And to mark the end of our party, we had another crazy absinthe party at terry toh’s.

That bugger is one honry bastard. HAHAHAHA.

Everyone got knocked out and I was the last man standing at 6.45am!

Suntanning and swimming in the late morning with Peggy, Rachel and Terry.

We should have more of such parties in future!!!

Pictures will be up…………. SOON.

Meanwhile, you could view them at my facebook (: